very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize