My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
