but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
