that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
