the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
