I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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