First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
