You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
