My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
