I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
