her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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