im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
