You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
