He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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