Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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