I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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