I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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