I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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