all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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