You're completely useless in the revolution.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
