The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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