i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
