At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
