I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
