So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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