these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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