Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
