I met the friendliest cop last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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