its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
