we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
