8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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