I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
