you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize