We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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