Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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