At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
