so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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