I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
