I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
