Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mom said you looked used
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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