Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
