I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
