i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
