I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
