I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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