I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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