i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
