And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
