I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
