I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
