Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
