11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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