Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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