Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
try to milk me bitch
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