Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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