i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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