is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
