how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
