I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
