i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
