Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
