we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
