I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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