I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
