so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
