You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
