I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He passed out mid-signature
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
